Unintended Consequences of Birthdays - Diary Of A Dad

August 8th 2018, 6:04 in the morning, my beautiful baby girl, Nova Ellis Jones, arrived. I was uncertain about her. I wasn't sure if she would like me, or if i would like her. I had only my imagination to fill the gap between those uncomfortable kicks she was delivering to the woman i love, and the current present. Who is she? Who will she be? Now that a year has past, it is safe to say that we are no longer strangers.

I remember having a conversation with Olivia about potential tough decisions that might have to be made if there were complications. Save Olivia was all i could ever consider. We had a conversation recently with similar decisions. Save the baby, on both accounts. Things change, and my love for Nova has grown to a zenith that is constantly being topped.

Now that we have a slight back story, a question still hovers over my head. "To birthday party, or not to birthday party?" Please do not respond with your answer. It is not a question for you. (Mom)

For years i have developed a theory about the message, expectations, and ideas that birthdays deliver to us via main stream lifestyles. I personally have not celebrated my birthday in many years. This was well before "birthday charity" fundraising became popular. Which i have contentions about as well, but we will save that for a different post.

So, should i set my daughter up for failure, or no? Okay, okay, let me rephrase the question. Should i allow my daughter to be exposed to selfish, expectant, entitlement? Okay, one more try. In your professional opinion, should my child be showered with gifts, sugar, decorations, and the promise of at least one meaningful day a year? This is pointless. Let us dive into the real issue. You.

You want to have a birthday party for your child. You want to be a good parent don't you? (sarcasm) Your child, if under the age of 2, most likely does not understand what a birthday is, and those over 2 have been conditioned into an idea that has been projected on them stemming from past generations.

Be real for a moment, do you really think your infant child's birthday party is about them? Don't lie now, your common sense is watching. As much as we try to convince our self that a birthday for an infant is about them, it is not. THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND. So, what are your intentions?

Most Children's birthdays seem to be about parents feelings. It is about getting stuff for your children that you would not purchase on your own. I could bore the hell out of some of you by breaking down certain economic principles about opportunity cost and how you spending $25 on something i would only spend $10 creates an immediate loss of $15, but I won't; I promise.... But only because of "sunk cost." . . Unless you got a gift receipt. Cha-ching the damn thing. ;) Although, it might be interesting to try to explain to a child that there was an immediate 60% loss in value on their birthday this year. "Good job Timmy, your friends parents suck."

It saddens me to know that a lot of birthday parties unintentionally teach children that the more friends they have, the more gifts they will receive. That is not a good value to teach your child. What about the kids with few friends? This was me as a child. They are left with a sense of deficient self worth. "Not many people showed up to my birthday party, maybe something is wrong with me." That was a sad feeling as a kid, and i hope no child has to feel that way.

Side note: Did you ever count your happy birthday comments on your Facebook page? I did. Apparently the more "popular" kids were entitled to a happier birthday than most of us "average" kids. Yikes.

I believe the problem is that so many birthday parties are delivered in one package, me, me, me, me, me.  Why? Well because the majority of people have traditionally done it this way. I have to fight off family, i have to fight off other people's family, i have to fend off strangers, anyone that gets a hold of my idea and doesn't agree with it. Simply, because of tradition. This makes my job as a parent infinitely more difficult.

For me, and my family, everyday is a party. We live everyday like we are getting older and dying. (Oh shit, we are) Better live it up today.

It is easier to fool people than it is to convince them they have been fooled. - Mark Twain

Big business loves that you will spend money to throw a birthday party for someone that doesn't fully comprehend all the variables. Then that child will grow up with a vague understanding of what is happening, and follow suit. There is that sneaky tradition again. It is a vicious cycle, but it could end with you.

Maybe instead of children growing up with the mindset that their birthday is a cause for celebration, they should be taught that celebration is achieved through work and determination. Everyone on earth is born, that does not make anyone special.

There is a time and place for "birthday celebration." It is hard to argue with the fact that a child changes your life. The day your child was born was likely full of fear, pain, and joy. A birthday is about family, not the child alone. If you want to celebrate the day your child was born, i do not think there is anything wrong with that. I encourage it, but i believe that celebration should not concern those who were not there, or who were not directly affected by the true impact of that moment. The message should be, "I am so happy you were born." Not, "You were born, aren't you so happy?"

The reason i am not celebrating Nova's birthday publicly, or really with anyone but Olivia, is because of many people's inability to let go of tradition. The people in Nova's life are not ready to share in the responsibility of the upbringing that her mom and i see for her. I understand it is different, and sometimes change can be scary. As parents, we are in control of our children's destiny; at least for a little while.

Please do not feel bad for Nova. Our family does not welcome your pity. I promise, she is very happy. The fact that i can set Nova in front of a ball of yarn, and have her be just as entertained as setting her in front of 20 birthday gifts, or a pile of dirt, should make alarm bells go off. She loves anything she can pickup. She is a child, her sense of wonderment is not dependent on anything but her freedom to explore. Not having a birthday is not going to hurt her. That is unless people convince her that it should. Hence, the sheltering from the unready people in Nova's life.

I do not expect that there will be a sudden paradigm shift, and that birthdays will become selfless days where we can express gratitude for having the opportunity to participate in this crazy ordeal called life. But, it has to start somewhere.

Nova, as an individual, is unique. I do not want her to fall in line, or sink into the norm. I want her to become more and more herself. A beautiful, lively, perfectly flawed image of her parents love. Her mom and i celebrate her daily. To Liv, Nova, and myself, happy anniversary to a forever life changing moment. It has been extraordinarily more vivid since you showed up Nova. You're the bomb.com. Thank you so much to her mother, Olivia. I can't imagine what you went through to get her here, and i was right there the whole time.

Disclaimer: Do not visit bomb.com. lol